"Technically one would write 'vertical' horizontally in most cases."


"What's this?"
"It's my CD of Ancient Egyptian Music."
"How does one know what ancient Egyptian music sounded like?"
"You listen to the CD."


"You can't force people to be smart."


It is a profitable thing, if one is wise, to seem foolish. 
  --Aeschylus


It isn't necessary to be rich and famous to be happy. It's only necessary to be rich. 
  --Alan Alda


Money can't buy happiness; it can, however, rent it. 
  --Anonymous


If you don't have time to do it right you must have time to do it over. 
  --Anonymous


No opera plot can be sensible, for in sensible situations people do not sing. 
  --W H Auden


Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils. 
  --Hector Berlioz 


Few minds wear out; more rust out. 
  --Christian Nestell Bovee


Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas. 
  -- Johnny Carson 


Nature gives you the face you have at twenty.
Life shapes the face you have at thirty.
But at fifty you get the face you deserve. 
  -- Coco Chanel


Many a man has fallen in love with a girl
in a light so dim he would not have chosen a suit by it. 
  --Maurice Chevalier


Men occasionally stumble on the truth,
but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing had happened. 
  --Sir Winston Churchill


The fellow who thinks he knows it all is especially annoying to those of us who do. 
  --Harold Coffin


I have never seen pessimism in a Company prospectus. 
  -- Sir William Connor (Cassandra)


Never vote for the best candidate, vote for the one who will do the least harm. 
  -- Frank Dane 


History repeats itself. That's one of the things wrong with history. 
  --Clarence Darrow


Avoid fruits and nuts. You are what you eat. 
  --Jim Davis (Garfield the Cat)


Be the first to say what is self-evident, and you are immortal. 
  --M. Ebner-Eschenbach


When Solomon said that there was a time and a place for everything
he had not encountered the problem of parking an automobile. 
  --Bob Edwards


Gravitation can not be held responsible for people falling in love. 
  --Albert Einstein


The books that everybody admires are those nobody reads. 
  -- Anatole France 


A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather
and ask for it back when it rains. 
  -- Robert Frost 


The brain is a wonderful organ.
It starts working the moment you get up and does not stop until you get into the office. 
  -- Robert Frost 


Ugliness is in a way superior to beauty because it lasts. 
  --Serge Gainsbourg, French vocalist


Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and instead of bleeding, sings. 
  --Ed Gardner


You know you're getting old when everything hurts. And what doesn't hurt doesn't work. 
  -- Hy Gardner


Know thyself? If I knew myself, I'd run away. 
  --Johann Wolfgang von Goethe


If a man writes a book,
let him set down only what he knows. I have guesses enough of my own. 
  --Johann Wolfgang von Goethe


I always get the better when I argue alone. 
  -- Oliver Goldsmith